RealTalk: I ain't perfect.

Okay so RealTalk: I have a testimony. It's not pretty, and I'm not very proud of it, but I've tried hiding from it and living out of God's glory is unbearable. It's not alright for me to play perfect when I'm not, it's stealing from my ministry and robbing God of His glory. I'm not.

Why am I doing this?

Because "He first loved us"(1 John 4:19)
"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."(John 15:13)
"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves."(Romans 12:9-10)
"The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith"(1 Timothy 1:5)
"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it:

'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"(Jesus, Matthew 22:37-39)

I'm being obedient to the Lord and so fulfilling the first commandment, and then the second by loving my neighbor as myself. Man, I've been there so I would be selfish (and have been) for not offering my help to those who are in the same spot of loving the Lord but having an unwholesome habit.

I had a bad habit of watching pornography. It started out seldom, became fairly often. It also started out hetero, became homosexual or whatever I could find.
I have not looked at pornography in about 8 months.

Through this, I'm really not trying to condemn or offend anyone, I'm just working through personal experience.. Mine was that I was ashamed and hurt. I didn't find fulfillment or satisfaction from porn or appeasing urges. I felt empty. If you've never felt this way from either of the two, then this is not for you. Keep on keeping on. But for the rest...

"Wait, so watching porn is a sin?"
Yes,

"But I say unto you, every one who looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart." (Jesus, Matthew 5:28) Jesus calls us for purity even in our hearts. To lust after another is adultery in the mind and heart because "when lust is conceived, it brings forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death."(James 1:15) The only difference is that the person is not physically present. However, bowing in this way shows that if the person was present you would bow down to physical sin. God, being a Spirit, judges the hearts of men as well as actions.

Allowing myself to lust after this opened me up to deeper problems. I found myself watching videos I found gross before. I moved from "light" stuff to heavier stuff and soon it wasn't a big deal for me to watch the gay stuff either. That added to the list of stresses that life brings that I might be gay, even though I knew I wasn't.

"But if you chose homosexuality, that would be alright."
Not Biblically.

"'If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.'"(Leviticus 18:22)
"Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexual immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."(1 Corinthians 6:9-10)
[It continues on to say "as some of you were. But you were washed...sanctified... you were justified" in the name of Jesus and by the Spirit of God.]

In Romans 1:21 Paul writes about how mankind knew God, but didn't praise or obey him and "their foolish hearts were darkened." They exchanged the glory of God for created images made to look like man and various animals. It is because of this, says Paul, that "God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another..." Also because of this,
"God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion..."

So again, this is completely out of love to let people know that they don't have to be stuck anywhere that they don't want to be.
----
God has worked with me, and through experience I've really grown close to Him and learned many aspects of who He is:

He is Love(1 John 4:8) and truly truly Truly loves each and every one of us no matter who we are or what we've done.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."(1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you."(Isaiah 66:13)
"As the Father has loved Me [Jesus], so have I loved you."(John 15:9)
"Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away."(Song of Songs 8:7)
"Because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved."(Ephesians 2:4-5)

There you go!

It was a process that definitely took some time, just know while he's purifying you that he loves you and rejoices over you for the choice you've made to draw closer to Him. Here's what has helped me:
Prayer, to deepen my relationship with the Lord,
The choice to stop watching my things I knew would take me to the wrong place (ex:sexed-up movies and tv, advertisements, unwholesome conversation, explicit music),
Spending more time with people I knew had a relationship with God,
Reading my bible,

-But MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!!!- lol

PRAYED FOR AND WORKED TO LOVE OTHERS! Man, NOTHING beats love. Love is the biggest defense in your arsenal. "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins."(1 Peter 4:8)

Read the bible to get to know more about Him, but remember that freedom stems from a personal relationship and time spent with God doing His work (LOVE!!!!!!).

Ha anyways, enough ranting.. Hope it helps!

Ryan