Unplugged..

Have you ever heard "I gotta find peace of mind" by Lauryn Hill?

Listen!

I love that song. If not simply for how she captures the reality of getting close to God in Christ so well with such real emotion, then for it's lyrical content.

"He says it's impossible, but I know it's possible"
That whole section where she speaks of how the devil attacks your mind to steal salvation... SO real! When you attempt to grow closer to Him, the enemy will attack you in every way possible.

"You love me despite myself, sometimes I fight myself
I just can't believe that you, would have anything to do
With someone so insecure, someone so immature
Oh you inspire me, to be the higher me
You made my desire pure, you made my desire pure"

Isn't it amazing that He loves us? So amazing.

"Just tell me what to say, I can't find the words to say
Please don't be mad with me, I have no identity
All that I've known is gone, all I was building on.."

Man that is so real! You're in transition and you don't know what to do or how to follow Christ. Personal dreams and desires hold you in chains but you want to walk with Him so bad! It's like you beg God not to be upset with you, you're trying so hard already. You don't yet realize who He is and so you're scared that He'll drop you like a normal person would if you were stuck. But He is Love. And Love is patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, does not keep a record of wrongs, is not easily angered, rejoices with the truth (does not delight in evil). Always protects, perseveres, and trust. Love NEVER fails![I Corinthians 4:7]

LOVE (1 Corinth. 13:4)

Love is patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not self-seeking, and does NOT keep a record of wrongs. It doesn't delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth! Love ALWAYS trusts, ALWAYS protects, ALWAYS perseveres. God IS Love. DON'T YOU FORGET IT!
Check out the Lost Get Found video by Britt Nicole.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GO2prEoATH8

AAAH, so encouraging!!
Love/ God Bless.

RealTalk: I ain't perfect.

Okay so RealTalk: I have a testimony. It's not pretty, and I'm not very proud of it, but I've tried hiding from it and living out of God's glory is unbearable. It's not alright for me to play perfect when I'm not, it's stealing from my ministry and robbing God of His glory. I'm not.

Why am I doing this?

Because "He first loved us"(1 John 4:19)
"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."(John 15:13)
"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves."(Romans 12:9-10)
"The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith"(1 Timothy 1:5)
"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it:

'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"(Jesus, Matthew 22:37-39)

I'm being obedient to the Lord and so fulfilling the first commandment, and then the second by loving my neighbor as myself. Man, I've been there so I would be selfish (and have been) for not offering my help to those who are in the same spot of loving the Lord but having an unwholesome habit.

I had a bad habit of watching pornography. It started out seldom, became fairly often. It also started out hetero, became homosexual or whatever I could find.
I have not looked at pornography in about 8 months.

Through this, I'm really not trying to condemn or offend anyone, I'm just working through personal experience.. Mine was that I was ashamed and hurt. I didn't find fulfillment or satisfaction from porn or appeasing urges. I felt empty. If you've never felt this way from either of the two, then this is not for you. Keep on keeping on. But for the rest...

"Wait, so watching porn is a sin?"
Yes,

"But I say unto you, every one who looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart." (Jesus, Matthew 5:28) Jesus calls us for purity even in our hearts. To lust after another is adultery in the mind and heart because "when lust is conceived, it brings forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death."(James 1:15) The only difference is that the person is not physically present. However, bowing in this way shows that if the person was present you would bow down to physical sin. God, being a Spirit, judges the hearts of men as well as actions.

Allowing myself to lust after this opened me up to deeper problems. I found myself watching videos I found gross before. I moved from "light" stuff to heavier stuff and soon it wasn't a big deal for me to watch the gay stuff either. That added to the list of stresses that life brings that I might be gay, even though I knew I wasn't.

"But if you chose homosexuality, that would be alright."
Not Biblically.

"'If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.'"(Leviticus 18:22)
"Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexual immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."(1 Corinthians 6:9-10)
[It continues on to say "as some of you were. But you were washed...sanctified... you were justified" in the name of Jesus and by the Spirit of God.]

In Romans 1:21 Paul writes about how mankind knew God, but didn't praise or obey him and "their foolish hearts were darkened." They exchanged the glory of God for created images made to look like man and various animals. It is because of this, says Paul, that "God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another..." Also because of this,
"God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion..."

So again, this is completely out of love to let people know that they don't have to be stuck anywhere that they don't want to be.
----
God has worked with me, and through experience I've really grown close to Him and learned many aspects of who He is:

He is Love(1 John 4:8) and truly truly Truly loves each and every one of us no matter who we are or what we've done.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."(1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you."(Isaiah 66:13)
"As the Father has loved Me [Jesus], so have I loved you."(John 15:9)
"Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away."(Song of Songs 8:7)
"Because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved."(Ephesians 2:4-5)

There you go!

It was a process that definitely took some time, just know while he's purifying you that he loves you and rejoices over you for the choice you've made to draw closer to Him. Here's what has helped me:
Prayer, to deepen my relationship with the Lord,
The choice to stop watching my things I knew would take me to the wrong place (ex:sexed-up movies and tv, advertisements, unwholesome conversation, explicit music),
Spending more time with people I knew had a relationship with God,
Reading my bible,

-But MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!!!- lol

PRAYED FOR AND WORKED TO LOVE OTHERS! Man, NOTHING beats love. Love is the biggest defense in your arsenal. "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins."(1 Peter 4:8)

Read the bible to get to know more about Him, but remember that freedom stems from a personal relationship and time spent with God doing His work (LOVE!!!!!!).

Ha anyways, enough ranting.. Hope it helps!

Ryan

JOY IS IN THE NAME OF THE LORD, AHHHH!!!!!

In case you didn't know,

GOD IS GOOOOOOOD!!!
=)

I'm just on a high right now, learning about seasons and such...

I've just crossed over from an extremely difficult season to one of joy, and really didn't know what to do with myself. I began thinking, maybe I was falling off as a follower of Christ because I felt so different, that maybe it was because I wasn't doing all that I should be doing. THAT IS, until I spoke with my grandma about seasons.

You've GOTTA love old folks.

She said, "If the Lord has given you a season of joy, then enjoy every second of it. Don't let the enemy steal your joy! It is your time to be glad."

I was uneasy about it and unsure of things.. (it's funny how a season of anguish can make you forget how to be joyous and glad, the Lord will help me hold on to this next time around)

SO I READ....
ECCLESIASTES!

Ohhhh I love this book mayne. I can't even describe.

OR maybe I can =))

Ecc.5:19 "..when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work--this is a gift from God."

8:15 "so I commend the enjoyment of life, because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun."

9:7 "Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do. Always be clothed in white, and always anoint your head with oil. Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun..."

11:7 "Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun. However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all. But let him remember the days of darkness, for they will be many. Everything to come is meaningless."

11:9 "Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgement.
So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless."

So I'm on a trip. I'm happy. So happy =)
haha yeah.. good times.

Wow watch Prophet's testimony from p4cm!

Why I believe in God (another Testimony)

I believe in God...

Because of the things he's carried me through.

Various deaths, depression, low self-esteem, pornography addiction and homosexual thoughts.

And where He's brought me.

Boldness, a growing self-esteem and confidence, understanding of my gifts; understanding of how because I went through the many things that I did, I am able to guide and help others through the same things if I will just be bold and not let a selfish lack of courage leave those still going through it in the dark.

Through it He's strengthened my ties to Him..

Every time I cried out to Him for strength I submitted a bit more of me to His will. A little bit more of me was given to Him (sometimes it was like pulling teeth, and sometimes it was in awe of something He had already done) and in return a bit more of Him was given to me.
As God gave more of His spirit to me, He taught me more about the person I was created to become. He taught me that no matter how hard I try to "find myself", without Him it will only end in frustration and a larger gap between us..

Through it He's built me up...

Psalm 119:67 David writes, "Before I was afflicted, I went astray, but now Your word do I keep [hearing, receiving, loving, and obeying it]."

That's what He's doing in me. He allows me to go through things so that I can grow through them. Before He allowed me to make the wrong decisions, I was naive and only did the right things because I was afraid of what would happen if my parents found out, or how people would judge, or just because I had been told it was wrong. While other things were just gray area, I simply did not know, I couldn't find how they were definitely wrong but also couldn't find how they could be right.
After these things occurred, I had to learn for myself what God says. I had to develop an ear to hear him when he says "Don't do that". I had to develop methods to use that would help me avoid bad habits and abort the seed that would birth sin at first sight.

God exposes His people to battle so that they can understand the enemy's tactics.

As I'm noting this and writing this down I'm still being shaped and molded and will continue to be so in the future until the day I die, but there is that hope that each day will be brighter than the last. And through what I've already experienced, I know that His likeness will be found more present within me every day. So I'm going to keep hoping and staying faithful, He's working.

Almost Saved: Check out p4cm.com and Tangle.com for videos that push christ!